here I stand alone dropping my head,
never in my life, did I feel so sad,,
this isn't how it was supposed to end,
shattered pieces which no one can mend,,
with no fault of mine, I paid a big price,
but even with that debt, I have to rise,,
rise not to prove anyone wrong,
just to re-write my very own song,,
I guess I missed a note or two,
I had someone special, but it wasn't you,,
forgetting you, I know, will always be tough,
but your parting has made me strong enough,,
if you can live your life with somebody else,
so can I, with double the essence,,
I'm not comparing our lives, mine is still a maze,
its something I longed to tell you, right on your face.....
climbing to the top is not an easy task.....your fate relentlessly grasps your ankle and pulls you down.....heaven opens up and breaks hell.....the downpour makes the path more slippery and the environment more hostile than you ever imagined.....the struggle seems to be more tiresome than what you assumed from the bottom.....falling down the ridge seems inevitable.....and if you do so,,, you hit the ground hard,,, very hard.....but herein lies the test of true character.....the harder you fall,,, the tougher you get.....never let the fire in you extinguish because of these mere failures.....tighten your grip.....focus on your destination.....take a deep breath......and keep moving......
just have faith in yourself.....this is a task far tougher than any of those entrusted by Mr. Ranvijay......coz its not Roadies,,,,, its Life !!!
Every day we come across so many people....each with a different nature,,,, a different thought,,,, a different idea....all so fascinating....Yet only a few evoke an urge for a second look.....n out of those,, only a handful leave ever lasting impressions on our heart and soul.....But once in a blue moon,,,, for few,, once in a lifetime,,,, we crash into someone whose impressions are far deeper than those created by anyone else,,,, probably even deeper than all others combined.....whose aura levitates us to a new strata,,,, a new matrix.....something we never experienced before,,,, something out of this world.....the mere thought of that person creates a cocoon around us and we get cut off from the outside world....singled out....distracted.....yet smiling,,,, happy....happy from inside....and thats what matters.....we are satisfied with a 5 mins chat or a few text messages,,,, we are more than happy when a smiley is attached with one of those.....it hardly matters whether it defines the context or not.....but gradually,, the dark side of our ambivalence takes control.....n we keep asking for more and more....the frequency of texts increases,,,, n so does the call duration,,,, the meetings.....but by default,, being possessed by human nature,, we never get content....our expectation increases,,,, n along with it our frustration,, our anger,, n a whole lot of awful emotions,, making it more of a chaos and less of a relationship.....the only way to get out of this precarious situation is to be happy and content with whatever we have.....
Love doesn't always mean that we should let all our emotions run wild....sometimes,, in being content lies the key of being happy !!!
so its February again....the Season of Love....people already started planning things....strolling around from store to store....looking for cards, gifts, chocolates, bouquets....the best they can get....till the last penny in their wallet....and sometimes even at the cost of it.....some are planning big....like what they will do, how they will gift, etc, etc....for some, its the first time....for others, there is hardly any difference....coz this particular day never loses its charm....not even if its your silver jubilee.....every year, as this day approaches, we feel more and more nostalgic.....we lay buried in our thoughts and keep smiling at every small incident that crosses our mind.....the first conversation....the first meeting....the first smile.....the first 'I Love You'.....the first kiss....and all those first things that are beyond description.....we turn back time and re-live those moments over and over and never get bored....such is its aura....and as years passed by, this day became more and more popular.....surpassing many of the major events in our calendar.....not that its good but no one is complaining either.....coz this is the day when we feel free....free from the shackles of hesitation....free to express our emotions.....to squeeze and serve the last drop of Love from the deepest corner of our heart....and thats how it should be....thats how it was meant to be.....feel it.....live it.....love it.....it is Valentine's Day !!!
A cute couple dragging themselves to a coffee shop....both young and vibrant....the girl, with a top matching her bubbly persona, talking and moving her hands and making gestures quite hard for a normal human to perceive....and the guy, dressed in bright checks and a worn-out jeans, trying very hard to make senses out of those....they enter the shop and almost unwitting, start tapping their legs in the tune of the hip-hop music playing inside....pausing for a moment, they look around and find a table for two at the farthest corner....full length glass window panes converging from two sides, and a picturesque lush green exterior....quite indifferent to the surrounding, they continue their absurd conversation, now the guy joining in and placing his own point of view as well....but their voices get somewhat eclipsed by the chirps of other couples sitting around or by a sudden roar of laughter from the group of guys sitting at the centre round table....they order two cups of hot coffee and thanks to the services, in no time start sipping from those....amidst all these chirps and chats, the music in the cafe changes to some soft, slow, seductive melody and unknowingly their minds drift to a semi-conscious state....they sit there face to face....holding each other's fingers....diving into the dark deep eyes....trying to read the unspoken thoughts....not realising the hot coffee turning cold....speechless.......
A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER COFFEE !!!
Always feels nice to open the seal of a brand new shining Marlboro lights....even better to take an ivory stick out of it and light it with my age old zippo - whole lot of memories associated with it....and probably one of the many reasons why I smoke....
Aah !!! there is my special rock....nothing extravagant with the shape or location, just that, it has given me company for the last 20 years....every weekend, when I have nothing else to do....when my office-mates give me a break - one which I don't need but can't make them understand why....I took out another stick of my favourite brand and torched it from the nearly-extinguishing butt....
Sitting there for hours and watching the never-ending waves has become an integral part of my not-so-happening life....the rocks, the waves, the shore, even the cool breeze have all accepted me as one of their own....they had to....20 years is a long time....
I have been torching for quite a long now....but this time, under the influence of my subconscious mind or may be because of all the memories of my past, I just threw the butt aside....now I have to use my zippo again - yeah....the zippo....
Three hours have passed by....and like every time I sit here, I didn't realise it....the sun going down at the horizon....spreading its golden orange hue everywhere....the chirps of the birds ceasing into eternity....making way for the waves to become louder....louder than never before....the setting sun falling on the rocks and creating a painter's paradise - a beautiful playground of light and dark - if you are actually in that mood....I guess I am not....I have never been....not since I remember....few clouds hovering over the endless shore....taking different shapes and figures and faces....why faces ??? why every time an abstract object takes the shape of a face, it happens to be the face we know....the face we want to see....or rather we don't....
I remembered to torch this time....clearing the smoke from my first puff, I looked up....just to realise that it has become quite dark now....no face visible....I don't know whether to be happy or sad....I just thanked the darkness....for reasons not known to me....
The wind getting stronger now....chilling me to the core, each time it strikes....lighting the last cigarette with my zippo again, and leaving the empty packet aside, I started to walk....walk away from my past....walk back to the life I have been living for the last 20 years....
People say its chain-smoking....I call it the same....but may be, somewhere down there....deep inside my hollow heart, I have a better word for it....still searching......
